Last week was a challenge. I moved – sorting, organizing, throwing away, giving away, locating boxes, changing address, cleaning, renting a truck…. (I’m single and so this was pretty much a solitary project with some help with the moving objects and cleaning part). On top of this I was sick – quite sick. This viral upper respiratory thing that’s going around and putting people under for 3 weeks. Last week was week one for me (however, I’m quite better now.) I couldn’t even swallow water without wanting to scream in pain. And, amidst all of it – I direct a homeless shelter and oversee 4 staff members and several hundred volunteers. OK, you get the picture!
I’m moving through all of this with as much focus and grace as I can bring to it all when within the course of 10 minutes, I receive a phone call and a letter (two different subject matters) that ’should’ have floored me. Either one should have at least caused me to swear maybe or sit down and breathe deeply or cry. I am choosing to keep the subject matter personal as it relates to other people, but suffice it to say that one of the issues was what I considered in the past to be my greatest fear. Here’s the surprise. I had no reaction to either and this was not based on supressing emotions or my already overwhelmed state of being (as mentioned above). I was completely centered in an observing sort of state and this went on even after some time when I examined the situations from various angles. It took me a little bit to recognize that I was practicing equanimity. I, however, also observed within myself that equanimity can feel at first glance as uncaring indifference – unsympathetic – cold detachment.
In contemplating on this situation, I thought of the quote I read in Grace and Grit by Treya and Ken Wilber on passionate equanimity. I like this term as my mind can go (and did) to equanimity as being uncaring and cold.
Here’s an excerpt on equanimity from Buddha Takes No Prisoners: A Meditator’s Survival Guide by Patrick Ophuls.
…”But what is equanimity? It is not merely keeping a stiff upper lip or having a rhinoceros hide. Nor is it maintaining a stoic indifference to pain and pleasure. Still less is it feeling a pitiless detachment from the human condition. Rather, it is something far more positive, implying tremendous strength of character and mind. The dictionary definition is good as far as it goes, calling equanimity ‘the quality or characteristic of being calm and even-tempered; composure.’ Also, ‘mental balance and evenness of temperament, usually as a characteristic state.’
“To achieve this much would already be remarkable, but the equanimity of a buddha is yet greater, precisely because it is allied to metta, karuna, and mudita. Hence it manifests as a radical openness to the whole catastrophe of life — a soft receptiveness that allows us to see experience clearly and to feel experience deeply but that does not react for or against it. (Contrast this with our habitual state of mind: whatever we cannot ignore or deny, we love or hate and behave accordingly.) But how is this radical openness expressed in practice, both on retreat and in daily life?
“First, equanimity is spacious. Imagine a pebble dropping into a cup full of water: SPLASH! Now imagine that same pebble or even a rock falling into a pond: barely a ripple. And it takes an asteroid to roil the ocean. In the same way, the mind of equanimity is vast, remaining composed even under duress. So when difficulties arise, they make wavelets, not tsunamis.
“Second, equanimity is panoramic. When you have tunnel vision, everything coming down the tracks looms large. The same event viewed from a mountaintop is no big deal. Thus equanimity lets us take in the whole show, rather than fixating on the tiny part that is painful or difficult.
“Third, panorama implies perspective. When we have equanimity we know that Rome was not built in a day, that a journey of a thousand leagues begins with a single step, that this too shall pass, that empires rise and fall, and so on. In short, we don’t take things personally, because we know in our bones that life is so much bigger than ego’s petty concerns and limited views. Above all, with equanimity we understand that pain and difficulty are an intrinsic part of life, so we don’t struggle against them.
“Fourth, however, equanimity is more than a point of view, because it is the art of retaining ones mental and emotional balance amid the ever-changing circumstances of life. A rider is said to have a good seat when her fanny sticks to the saddle no matter what the horse does. This image captures the dynamic quality of equanimity: can our hearts and minds stay firmly seated when the horse threatens to shy or bolt? After all, any fool can stay cool in routine circumstances; the challenge is to remain poised when pain, difficulty, failure, or calamity strike.
“Last, this dynamic quality is the reason why the image of the mountain, one of the traditional metaphors for equanimity, is misleading. Equanimity is not unshakeable because it is a rigid, immovable mass immune to all disturbance. Rather, it is strong because it is resilient. Like a good tire, it easily absorbs the shock of life’s little potholes. So equanimity is like Bibendum, the fat and jolly Michelin man, who cruises down the pike of life bouncing off things that are too big to bounce off him.”
The Four Immeasurables
May all sentient beings have happiness and its causes;
May all sentient beings be free of suffering and its causes;
May all sentient beings not be separated from sorrowless bliss;
May all sentient beings abide in equanimity, free of bias, attachment and anger.
Photo Credit: Creative Commons License. Peace by Azizul Hadi on Flickr.
