We all have the experience of suffering within our lives – even if we have found our way out of suffering to one extent or another. We have people in our families – people we love who seemingly choose to live in the cycle of pain and suffering. If we are actively engaged in service work in the world then we can see many many people who are suffering and many who perpetuate their pain and live in an endless cycle of suffering.
I work with individuals who are homeless. Most also have addiction issues and many also have mental health issues to one degree or another. Most are chronically homeless; meaning that they have lived this life for a very long time – some for most of their lives. There are many opportunities present for them to decide for something different – housing programs, social service programs, support groups, therapeutic communities, religious/spiritual organizations, health care programs, etc. Now, I’m not saying that all of these exist in absolute abundance or are all highly effective, but there are a lot of opportunities within the community for people who wish to make a different choice for themselves. Yet a good number choose to remain stuck in this lifestyle. This past year, I’ve conducted three memorial services for homeless friends who have died; three of my favorites – Neil, David and Carl. It hurt my heart so and evoked anger and frustration towards some of my other homeless friends who are following in the same footsteps as these three men.
How do we accept when those we love choose to live lives of pain and suffering? It seems easier to accept others choices when their lives don’t directly intersect with yours. There are hundreds of men and women in my community who are homeless that I truly and deeply love. There are people in my own inner circle of family and loved ones who choose to continue to suffer; sometimes very deeply. Knowing that there is a way out; that pain is inevitable in this physical world of duality, but suffering is optional makes it ever more frustrating. Why would someone choose this if it’s not necessary? But is it necessary?
Eckhart Tolle in an interview in What is Enlightenment, shares his thoughts on suffering:
“The purpose of the world is for you to be lost in it, ultimately. The purpose of the world is for you to suffer, to create the suffering that seems to be what is needed for the awakening to happen. And then once the awakening happens with it comes the realization that suffering is unnecessary now. You have reached the end of suffering because you have transcended the world. It is the place that is free of suffering.
This seems to be everybody’s path. Perhaps it is not everybody’s path in this lifetime, but it seems to be a universal path. Even without a spiritual teaching or a spiritual teacher, I believe that everybody would get there eventually. But that could take time.
…So it’s good that people are lost in the world. I enjoy traveling to New York and Los Angeles, where it seems that people are totally involved. I was looking out of the window in New York. We were next to the Empire State building doing a group. And everybody was rushing around, almost running. Everybody seems to be in a state of intense nervous tension, anxiety. It’s suffering really, but it’s not recognized as suffering. And I thought, where are they all running to? And of course, they are all running to the future. They are needing to get somewhere, which is not here. It is a point in time: not now—then. They are running to a then. They are suffering, but they don’t even know it. But to me, even watching that was joyful. I didn’t feel, “Oh, they should know better.” They are on their spiritual path. At the moment, that is their spiritual path, and it works beautifully.”
from Ripples on the Surface of Being, an interview with Eckhart Tolle by Andrew Cohen.
The last few sentences really stuck with me when I first read this – “They are suffering, but they don’t even know it. But to me, even watching that was joyful. I didn’t feel, “Oh, they should know better.” They are on their spiritual path. At the moment, that is their spiritual path, and it works beautifully.” Wow. I imagine that to truly believe that would bring about a great sense of peace and acceptance about what other people are choosing for their lives. Who are we to believe that we know what’s best for another? How do we know that this path of pain and suffering isn’t exactly what someone needs in order to eventually come to the place where they desire freedom from suffering?
I believe that it’s easier to accept that when we ourselves have learned to deal effectively with our own personal pain and suffering. I’m sure you’ve known people – and perhaps you yourself – who cannot stand to see another suffer, whether that is a person or an animal. They become nearly incapacitated and overly emotional. They must do something to help save that person or animal from suffering. That isn’t in and of itself a ‘bad’ thing. But it’s important to be clear on the motivation. Do you want to liberate another from suffering because you yourself can’t handle suffering – is it about you or about them? And, often when the motivation is from this space then the help or service that is being offered is less than effective.
I think that if we all examine our lives and the journey we’ve been on, we can easily see how pain and suffering has actually led us to deeper wisdom, clarity, healing, and growth. In hindsight, we can say ‘if it wasn’t for _____________, I never would have learned _______________.’ We can see the gift that pain and suffering has offered to us in our lives. We can also learn how to effectively transform our own pain and suffering and in the process learn how to be present in the midst of others pain and suffering. And not only present, but accepting that right now this is their spiritual path.
I believe that our role as sacred servers, karma yogis, aspiring bodhisattvas is to liberate ourselves from suffering first and to be the demonstration of this within the world. I believe that this is truly the only way to liberate another from suffering – to demonstrate to them that it is possible. And for those who aren’t ready – we love them and keep on loving them even if they never choose to become liberated or awakened in this life. Eventually they will.
Resources:
The Engaged Spiritual Life – A Buddhist Approach to Transforming Ourselves and the World by Donald Rothberg. Chapter 4: Opening to Suffering – Opening to Compassion.
Photo Credit: Homeless Sleeping on the Sidewalk by Franco Folini. Creative Commons license.
