Living a Life of Sacred Service

Two years ago, I worked seven nights a week at a homeless shelter and experienced more balance in my life than I have this year! This year, I’ve paired my work hours down to 40 hours a week (versus 80) but have experienced a great deal more stress and imbalance on all levels. How can that be so?

Rewind to two years ago – I was a nun and had dedicated my life to God. My lifestyle on all levels supported this focus. I lived in a monastery that was conducive to living a contemplative life. I knew what my purpose was and had a one-pointed focus towards that end. I felt, in a way, like an athlete preparing for the Olympics – everything was aligned with the goal. All that didn’t serve the goal was eliminated.

One of my practices was to block out two hours a day just prior to going to work for (what I called) active meditation. At least 3 days a week, I rollerbladed on the greenbelt by the river (a place of beauty). This was sacred time and I wouldn’t change it for anyone or for any reason. Other days, I’d sit by the river or walk in a nature park downtown. Usually afterwards, I’d go to a coffee shop or restaurant and eat dinner and read. When I went into work, I was full – overflowing and could then give from this abundance. And, from this space of connection to the divine, I was an effective vehicle for love and compassion. I could tell this was working by the consistent feedback I received from the shelter guests. Most would line up after they checked in for hugs and just collapse in my arms saying ‘i’ve been waiting for this all day’. When I left at midnight, I was more full than I had been before I started.

A little over a year ago, I left the path of nun to live and do the work of spirit in the middle of life. This has been a year of experimentation and has been a bit messy! After six years on the path of nun, I entered into a relationship a year ago that just ended a few weeks ago. For the past year, my focus has been scattered and I have not taken care of myself the way I had been. I spread myself too thin and did not take the time to fill up. I ended up giving from an empty bowl – meaning that the giving was drawing on my personal reserves versus flowing through me from source. As a result, my work was not at the level that I expected and this created inner turmoil. I have been accused (and rightly so) of being overly optimistic – and I was. I thought I could do it all. Give 100% of myself to God. 100% to my people. 100% to my relationship.

Right now, I am reveling in my aloneness and taking the time to fill up and make myself more available – fully – again to my people (those that I serve). Interestingly enough, at the same time that my relationship ended (which was a gift really – both the relationship and the ending), I was promoted to Shelter Director which means that I don’t do the night shifts at the shelter anymore. I work more during the day in a managerial role. For the past two weeks, I’ve mostly stayed away from the shelter at night (we are an overnight shelter) and focused on getting caught up with work as well as self-healing. I felt the call to begin going in at night for a few hours several times a week to reconnect with our guests. The first night back, one of the guests, a man who had stayed with us last year as well, came up to me. I reached out to hug him as I could see he was open. We embraced and he then stepped back. He put his hand on his heart and got teary eyed and said ‘I love you. You know that you are like a mother to me – to many of the men here. I want you to know this.’

There are sacrifices that need to be made in order to live a life of service at this level. To do service every now and then – no. But to live a life that is in service of the divine requires personal sacrifice and a lifestyle that allows you to fill up on a daily basis and connect to source. I have learned that if I want to live up to my own expectation of what this service will look like, then I need to make the commitment to self-care and a lifestyle that supports this work. It’s a matter of finding what works for you and then making a commitment to this – making it ’sacred time’. We can’t give from an empty bowl. This is why people burn out – they give from their own personal reserves. That is not possible at this level of service. It is to connect to source and allow that pure love to flow through you – it doesn’t come from you but through you. The litmus test is whether you feel more full or drained. If you are drained, then you’re drawing on your own reserves.

Many blessings on your path!

Photo Credit: Pray by Saad.Akhtar on Flickr. Creative Commons license.

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