I read this piece by Sri Chinmoy and it quite resonated with how I approach working with those who may be – well – challenging and perhaps not so easy to love at first sight. I work with those who are homeless – many of whom also have mental illnesses and addictions. To see the face of God in everyone is a practice.
The Heart of a Lover by Sri Chinmoy
It is quite easy for one human being to love another if he sees the divine in the other person. It is always advisable to go to the root, which is God. If we want to love someone, the best thing is for us to love the One who is all Love. If we know how to love Him in Himself, then it becomes extremely easy to love Him in a human being.
When you see that a person’s defects and bad qualities are obvious, try to feel that they do not represent him totally. His real self is infinitely better than what you see now. Try to see the divine in others in spite of their limitations.
By seeing someone’s limitations, we do not help the other person in any way. We only delay our own progress. If we find fault with somebody, his undivine qualities are not going to disappear, nor are ours going to decrease. On the contrary, his undivine qualities will come to the fore in his defense, and our pride, arrogance, and feeling of superiority will also come to the fore. But, by seeing the divine in someone, we expedite our progress and help the other person to establish his own life of reality on a divine foundation. We have to see others with the heart of a lover and not the eye of a critic.
To see the divine in others, we have to love. It is truly said that where love is thick, faults are thin. If you really love someone, then it is difficult to find fault with him. Love means oneness. A mother, in spite of knowing her child’s countless limitations, does not stop loving him, because she has established her oneness with him. If there is imperfection in the child, the mother claims the imperfection as her very own.
If you find it difficult to love the human in someone, then love the divine in him. The divine in him is God. God exists in that person just as God exists in you. To love God is extremely easy because God is divine and perfect. Each time you look at an individual, if you can consciously become aware of God’s existence in him, then you will not be disturbed by his imperfections or limitations.
Photo Credit: Amodiovalerio Verde on Flickr. Creative Commons License.
The Karma Yogini Journals explores contemplative service (aka karma yoga, seva, engaged spirituality) from an interspiritual perspective.
Interested in staying connected? You can subscribe to the blog by RSS feed or receive email updates. Feel free to comment on posts of interest or email if you’d like to jayne (at) karmayogini (dot) net.
i guess i would add that is really good (and i think very important) to do 3-2-1 shadow work in these instances as well…(or whatever shadow work technique you might use)
here is exerpt and link that describes this simple and easy to apply technique…(i usually just do it “on the spot” in my mind “whenever” but is particularly recommended to be done before going to sleep at night and upon awakening in morning (with either person(s) that disturbed you-or attracted you- most that day or dream image or person that disturbed/attracted most in dream state)
: As I said, we call it the 3-2-1 of shadow work. We often have experiences in which aspects of the self are marginalized or repressed for some reason. In other words, some part of who we are is put out of awareness due to shame, anxiety, or trauma. That aspect of the self will often reappear in our awareness in the form of a projection. For example, I may have a dream in which there is a figure that is disturbing to me. Or perhaps there may be another person in the seminar who, for whatever reason, is bothering me. These projections or dream figures always show up in the third person, externalized position. The 3-2-1 of shadow work would begin by describing in full detail and in third person who that person or dream figure is and what exactly it is about them that is disturbing. This is what it looks like, this is how it sounds, this is what it tastes like and this is what’s disturbing to me.
From that process, we learn to move the projection into the second person, into the “you and I” (not it out there) or the “we” position so that it is now closer to our identity. We can now get to know this figure in a different way because we are willing to relate with it directly. For example, I have a problem with someone because they seem arrogant and overly-ambitious. There’s something about those qualities that I just don’t like. Once I’ve described that figure fully in a third person, then I’m going to engage that figure or form a relationship to it by dialoging in my journal with him or her. I’m actually bringing the figure in closer to my own identity. By doing that I am opening up to it and even learning by dialoging and asking questions about arrogance and ambition.
The last stage would be to identify with the figure as me or move that figure into the first person position. I am going to imagine now that I am that person. I see that I am arrogant. I’m overly ambitious and I am disturbing to others for these reasons. I may find some compassion in me regarding what it feels like to be this figure. I may also discover the positive side of those characteristics. Most importantly, the aspects of myself that have been exiled are re-integrated and the energy that has been holding them away is freed up. That’s how the 3-2-1 process works. It’s related to Big Mind in that we’re trying to create a field whereby all aspects of the self can be owned and even valued, as opposed to split off and assigned a place in the world apart from the self.
http://www.integralleadershipreview.com/archives/2005_04/2005_04_hamilton.html
I am also inspired by Pema Chordron’s ideas here… ie lojong slogans…” be grateful to everyone”
http://lojongmindtraining.com/Commentary.aspx?author=3&proverb=13
somehow when i meet this person who is pushing my buttons or who is difficult… who i have hard time remaining open and here with… if i am open to my actual experience at that time, things (views/perspectives/whole experience) can shift and i am cracked out of my solidified world into the open living (and as Pema would day “groundless”) quality of things…(i often practice “on-the-spot” tonglen which chodron recommends)(see her website at Shambhala for simple instructions if interested)(or her books obviously) In this way creative openings and shifts can occur many times per day… shifts from solidified reality i thought was so into state realizations of “openness” or what-not. (and always new perspectives and perceptions on life… seeing newness… opening in to the unbelievable creativity of reality… de-solidifying things for ourselves… and giving new fresh views… I actually carry the book “Comfortable with Uncertainty” with me a lot and read one of the 108 short pithy teachings throughout the day… I actually ironically refer to it to myself as my “bible” now because it is a book that points beyond pre-given answers and wakes me up to actual living experience .
http://www.amazon.com/Comfortable-Uncertainty-Teachings-Pema-Chodron/dp/1570629722
also inspired by Ken Wilber idea 1-2-3 of God (also enormously helpful obviously is his work on stages of structural development coupled with state-stages of development)(see book Integral Spirituality) (probably the greatest help for skillful means available anywhere). In addition to what KW would term 2nd Person of God approaches (as exemplified by Sivananda above) I try to also remember Iamness… the Witness… God in the first Person who is looking out of mine and your eyes always…(“The Absolute is “A sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere” as a christian saint stated)(St. Bonaventure)(spaceless,timeless therefore embraces every point of time/space) just helps me to be more awake to God as always already here… already enlightened Mind as the Witness of all worlds through all eyes and perspectives… (Wilber also speaks of 3rd person of God as well… the suchness or isness of this and every moment)
Also with integral orientation i am aware of and try to practice with or be open to “weness” ( mutual understanding and resonance) with all other people/beings…(one of the “four quadrants” to use wilbers terms) Just knowing to look for this and cultivate it is enormously helpful… (helps me to remember to be open to and work with and want to grow weness” with everyone i meet) Essential for depth in this practice is knowledge of these structural stages of development… If one does not know the structure of consciousness (and also maybe state) that person is primarily operating through will not really know as clearly where they are or how to offer bridges etc… this is why (again) i so strongly believe that knowledge of states and stages is so very important… this is all (all of this research on stages of development etc) (again what many believe to be one of or the most helpful skillful means knowledge anywhere) newly available to us and i strongly believe it is “Spirits will” (as it were)(i believe this knowledge will be more and more “the case”… ie what people know and work with as now/future continues to unfold and develop) that we be aware of it so that we can be more embracing and helpful and strong in our work and interactions with others… (sorry for the/any preaching here… I keep mentioning “Ken Wilber” so much here simply because he has presented first and clearest most rigorously thought out more integral view at this point)
Comment by wmersy — January 28, 2008 @ 10:57 am
Re: 123 of God… these perspectives on God are spoken of as deepest characteristics that occur as soon as there is any form (to hopefully not sound too esoteric)… just for conceptual clarity the Witness beyond time and space (said to be purely available to experienced meditators in nirvikalpa samadhi )(nirvana in buddhism)(formless christ in terms of St. theresa) can, i guess, be seen as prior to these “perspectives of god”. Obviously working with Iamness is a fairly direct approach to the pure Witness… but i believe it is said that going through any of the 3 faces of God in the manifest world (I,You,Isness) can be doorway- in terms of state stage development over time- into the pure Witness (or beyond even this to more or less permanent realization of always already non- duality)(nondual unity of spirit and nature or Emptiness and Form)
(states training through meditation over time is said to shift state identity from gross (ego) to subtle (soul) to causal (Self) to Witness/nondual)
(again see ken wilbers “integral Spirituality” for greater clarity on these issues)
Comment by wmersy — January 28, 2008 @ 11:17 am
Well said! Practical application of the teachings – I so appreciate that. I am aware of the 3-2-1 process but have not used it. I can see that it would be helpful in this work – not only for myself but for the staff who might be open as well. Pema Chodron – one of my favorites and I think I own nearly every book she’s written but the one you mentioned. I think it’s on the order list for today. I use tonglen or the ‘breath of compassion’ frequently in my work and find it a very helpful tool. And regarding Wilber’s structures of consciousness – I just wrote about this last night on the gaia Integral Institute (II) pod – are you on that as well? It was about Integral Management – trying to figure out some approaches to managing from an integral perspective to such a wide diversity of people (who are in varying stages of consciousness and lines of development…). A challenge for sure.
I so appreciate your input here.
P.S. I think this same post is on the gaia pod – The Karma Yogini Journals – if you’re open you might do a cut and paste over there of your comments.
Comment by viriditasspiritualcenter — January 28, 2008 @ 11:20 am